Had a delicious drink of water this morning, followed by a RAT test (negative).
Then, a text arrived from Ian, giving me several reasons why he couldn’t pick me up from my major medical procedure today, and how sorry he was. Reluctantly, I contacted Wayne, and he said he’d be delighted to have my company just after I’d had a colonoscopy. Yes, well, I’d like to give him a colonoscopy, and without the drugs, but I didn’t say that. I doubt if you could fit anything up there anyway. You’d need a tiny colonoscope, maybe one about the circumference of a matchstick.
Taxi arrived on time, found the hospital, found the ward, found the receptionist who appeared to love her job, put on the gown that seems to be designed to give the staff a good laugh, and waited in my little bed for my turn, trying not to let the other patients notice I was studying them. I think they were doing the same thing. The worst part was that after you’d walked by everybody to the toilet and done your thing, you had to buzz the nurse so she could come and admire your offering. Spooky, in view of Donna’s saying this month. Apparently, mine passed muster so, thankfully, I escaped a pre-colonoscopy enema. I suppose I should be thankful for small mercies. When the nurse approached the old bloke in the bed on the other side of the curtain to mine, I heard him say, ‘friend or enema?’ Very funny.
My turn came, they wheeled me into the theatre, breezy cheerios all round, and then someone I hadn’t been introduced to put this needle in the back of my hand and for about three seconds that made the whole thing worthwhile. I wonder where you buy that stuff.
Woke up some time later, three polyps lighter, and with vague memories of something up my bum travelling in the wrong direction. Then, an angel brought me some sandwiches and a cup of coffee, and I lay there as content as I’ve ever been in my life.
New rule: have colonoscopies as often as possible.
Then it soured again, as Wayne appeared at my bedside with a huge grin on his face, no flowers, ready to drive me home, which was good of him, I suppose, the bastard.
Scratched out this diary entry, then I expect I’ill sleep until morning. Funny, but I’m not even hungry — another good reason to have regular colonoscopies.