When I arrived at work this morning, both Norman and Kylie told me they’d heard about my footy tipping treason and were so inspired that they also declined to be in it. What an influencer I’m becoming. (What are influencers influenced by, anyway? Years of intense rigorous critical academic study of their chosen subject, I expect.)
Had a session with Susan this morning, as we missed the one yesterday. I’m starting to quite admire her.
I asked her who mentored her and she said no one. She said she decided one day to stop her senseless complaining and to start acting like successful people she knew, and has never looked back.
Her big message today was about embracing confrontation unemotionally and with courage. She says she can see that I’m in the habit of confusing being respected with being liked. It’s fine to be both, of course, but if I have to make a choice, I mustn’t sacrifice being respected for attempting to be liked. I’m not to think people will like me more if I don’t stand up for myself, firmly, persistently and politely. They won’t like me more but they will respect me less, was her message.
So, I’m not to be intimidated by confrontation, but to welcome it when it comes, as a chance to practise. Susan says I’m not to get upset, emotional, personal or angry, as I’m then giving away my power. So, when I get that knot in my stomach when faced with an upcoming confrontation, I’m to ignore it, as it’s of no use to me. I’m to welcome the difficult people and situations I come across at work, and to thank those impossible people for giving me a chance to refine my skills. So, big shout-outs to Stuart and Ronald.
She says I’m not doing my job properly if I give in to external intimidation, or self-inflicted shyness or fear of being disliked. OK. OK.
I’m also to stop avoiding meetings I suspect are going to be heated, but, instead, in every potentially confrontational situation, I’m to practise being analytical rather than getting upset or intimidated. I’m to speak up if I have something to say, and accept that people may or may not agree with me.
She reminded me that not every encounter is life or death. You win some, you lose some. It’s about forming the habit, which gets easier surprisingly quickly.
Well, that’s a relief.
Anyway, I’m sick of jumping at shadows. I’m going to give it a go.
However, inspired by Susan’s pep talk, the next time I crossed paths with Stuart I calmly told him that in future I wanted to be treated the same as the men. He said great, in that case it was my turn to flatten and cart our empty cardboard boxes down to the skip. I told him I didn’t mean it in that sense, and also it would be difficult in a short skirt and high heels. He told me he didn’t tell me to wear a short skirt and high heels. I said, I know, society did. He said maybe I should listen to myself more instead of this society person. He said he’d never met this society person, but if he did and he or she told him to wear a short skirt and high heels to work he’d tell him or her to go stick his or her head in a bucket. On the other hand, he said what he and Patricia do in the privacy of their home on a Saturday night was no-one else’s business.
It’s all so confusing.