Remember when gardening used to be a quiet, peaceful occupation? No more. The dingbat over the road had his leaf blower, the most moronic thing ever invented, just ahead of the jet ski, screaming at 6.30 this morning. He blows all the leaves that have fallen from his trees across the street over to my side. He even gets up on his roof and blows all the leaves off that. I wish God’s big leaf blower in the sky would blow him off his roof. What a great contribution he’s making to noise pollution, air pollution and the using up of irreplaceable fossil fuels, because he doesn’t like the look of leaves that aren’t on trees. Does he ever go out in the bush? He must hate it. Soon after he’s finished, God’s big leaf blower does kick in, blowing all the leaves back to where they came from. If he does insist on temporarily relocating leaves, why does he have to do it early on a Sunday morning?
There are obviously two types of people in the world — those who can’t stand a single leaf on the ground and those who quite like seeing them there. I’m all for the second type. For one thing, they don’t wake you up at 6.30 on a Sunday morning. To top it off, I know he votes Green. Get a broom, mate. The exercise will do you good and we can all sleep in until seven o’clock on Sunday mornings.
He goes on about being vehemently opposed to nuclear power as a matter of principle. Thinks solar power is the way to go. Doesn’t he know that solar power is nuclear power? It’s just that the nuclear reactor is ninety-three million miles away.
Also, the blockhead had the cheek the other day to go on at me about watering on my non-watering days. Says I’m wasting water. I happen to have it on authority that, unlike fuel molecules for leaf blowers, there are as many water molecules in the world now as there were a thousand years ago. If he’s worried about running out of water, why doesn’t he move to somewhere where it rains a lot? Maybe North Queensland or Indonesia. Also, it might help if he turned his carefully programmed automatic sprinklers off on the days that it’s raining.
I’m going to say something to him one day.